I need to stop pressuring myself

Forever wanting to do everything all at once? Not having enough hours in the day to do it? Not having enough arms? That’s me.

If you are like me, you will be constantly tormenting yourself over not getting enough done, not knowing what I want as a career path or not feeling fully satisfied with the amount you’ve done with your day. This can really wind me up and play with my anxiety and sometimes, you just have to take a step back and accept it no matter how annoyed you will be.

What kind of person am I?

I am somebody who has a very busy mind. I absolutely love getting up every morning, knowing that it is a new day and I have already thought about what I want to complete the night before. Sometimes it might not be a crazy amount, but other days it will but I still won’t be completely satisfied with myself.

I like to have everything my own way, everything has it’s place. Organisation is right up there, if somebody could pay me to organise their house I would happily do it. Don’t get me wrong though, I can slack when it comes to cleaning too. I love doing it, but sometimes I am just trying to do too many things at once and will prioritise that. If I have a mess, it will be an organised little pile for me to conquer.

I have always been very indecisive on what I want to do in my life. When it comes to a career, I still want to do everything from graphic design, computer animation, digital marketing, illustration.. but then I think, what if I want to do something else and I don’t know it yet because I haven’t dived deep enough? The feeling of never being completely full. Does it matter if we don’t know what we want to do with our lives completely? Is it okay for change? Can we have a career change? I think, yes.

We should all be able to be completely satisfied with our lives, no matter what tangle that gets us into.

Self Education

I will go from subject to subject, constantly wanting to learn more about the world. Do I love learning about asteroid mining and the possibility to have life forms on Mars? Yes. Do I love learning about how certain objects are made? Yes. Do I love picking up a random book and discovering that I have a new topic that I enjoy learning about? Yes.

With me, I will set a to-do list on my phone. I am always adding more and more things to complete, but it’s a vicious circle that never ends. Sometimes I think ‘after this list is done, maybe I can relax for a bit.. Or what if I panic by not having anything on the list?’

For example: learn about digital embroidery designs, write a blog post on blablabla, write this post I am writing right now, create more etsy designs, reminder for the Falcon 9 launch, learn a new skill on skillshare, edit another vlog, do the clothes washing, complete US tax form..

The lists go on and on. Don’t get me started on lists like Goodreads’ To Be Read lists. I have over 400 books that I want to read on there, but lets be realistic, is it going to happen? Probably not, but my brain will still want it cleared.

My Latest Obsession

The latest obsession for me is the Activity rings on the Apple Watch. I have had my watch for many years, but I have never really taken much notice of the activity feature as I only wear it whilst I’m outside of the house. But my friend Glen pointed it out to me again recently, and for some reason I clicked. I have become obsessed with closing all of the rings.

I am trying to exercise a lot more now during the lockdown and getting into a good habit, so I personally feel like the activity feature is great. But at the same time, not so great if I miss out on one hour of standing as this could send me into a moment again.

Are you confused why you are here yet?

So from reading this post, you are probably thinking ‘what on earth is this woman talking about?’ but this is purely my brain getting out what it needs to. I feel like I haven’t written a blog post that is so personal to me in quite a long time, but I have the urge to share my experiences with others. It is great to get a lot of things done, but only when it is healthy for you. I am still working on this, but at least I know that I am more aware and conscious of it in the present time.

My problem is that I enjoy all of the things on my to-do list, and that’s where I get the excitement for it all from.

So let’s look at my list for the day so far:

    • Go for a 4km walk
    • Go on the bike for a workout
    • Reply to emails
    • Send etsy parcels off
    • Play animal crossing (it will make you play consecutive days to achieve things sometimes)
    • Make protein energy balls
    • Do an illustration
    • Read a book/listen to an audiobook
    • Review a video games
    • Take the recycling out
    • Wash hair
    • Eat the salad from in the fridge
    • Develop Digital Marketing skills on Skillshare
    • Close all rings on the apple watch

Did I do all of these things? No. Is it going to frustrate me? Yes, a bit but it’s important to keep telling myself, you have tomorrow to continue these things. Do. Not. Panic.

What are you saying?

My main message from this post is to take it easy on yourselves, especially during the lockdown period. I know a lot of people keep posting about what they have achieved which is great, but you do not have to do the same. If you want to use the time to relax, then do it! It is your time where you can put everything down and focus on yourself.

I took myself to a new level the other day, where I felt like my brain was going 1000mph and I could not calm down. I usually deal with these things moderately easy, but this one day it really hit me. I felt sick, had such a headache from stress and worrying and a huge sense of panic. But you know what? I woke up completely calm, happy and back to normal the morning after. Could I get on with the things I missed out on the day before? Yes.

Do not overdo yourselves. It is very easy to type it, compared to actually doing it but I just want to be here to say that it is okay to relax, it is okay to achieve your goals. We are all different and manage things in different ways. This lockdown period is difficult as it is, so be kind to yourself.

So there we have it, I now have one healthy empty brain after that gigantic ramble. Maybe nobody will read it, maybe they will, but I am happy that it is out and that I can give some kind of insight to others of where my mind is at incase it helps.

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