As you might have noticed either from my posts or from knowing me in general, I have started to suffer with anxiety.
I feel like I have always been stressed out about the smallest of things, but could find a way of relaxing in the end.
Since I have been travelling, I have become very stressed sometimes and for the last few months, I feel like I haven’t been able to de-stress and relax properly. I know that I shouldn’t be stressing about anything, but I still do. I try to relax, so I take time out and read in bed which helps but I know that it will trigger very quickly again.
I have never really noticed it until a few months ago, that it really annoys me that I am constantly stressing or worrying about something.
Even little things can irritate or anger me, like small noises, people snoring, general noise..
Obviously, I feel like being away from home and not having my own room is quite a bit part in this but I have even started to become socially anxious.
I am usually a people person, and I would say that I still am, in my own new way. I will speak to almost anyone, happily. But, the last few months whilst staying at the hostel, I find that it’s easier for me to run away to my room from people I know, because I know that I’ll get distracted there for long periods of time when I should try to rest and relax, or I even find it easier to do that so people won’t ask me several questions.
Of course, I love all of my friends so much and I know that when I do take the time to speak to everybody, I really enjoy it. But it’s just the initial step of doing it, or the run up to it.
I feel that when I’m ready to go and speak to everyone, I will do that in my time.
I have gotten to the point that I am stressed so often, that my psoriasis is a lot worse and flares up every 1-2 days (even my mother has noticed via Facetime on several occasions), my glands have been swelling up a lot more and I have had numerous headaches on times – just hours apart from each other.
Is this just completely messed up of me? Am I over reacting and just worrying about the smallest of things?
I think it’s time that I finally address this and speak up about it.
I just want to go about my business, then curl into a ball in my room, in complete silence and read a book – basically!
I’m even stressing now (as I have a 4 person room to myself) about when the next person is going to check in, when are they going to come, are they going to be noisy, will they snore (that really, really makes me angry for some reason – I know it’s not their fault..), will they want constant conversation when I like my own time?
Do any of you feel this way ever? I use to think I was just over stressing, but it seems like I’m constantly doing this now, for the past few months!
Feel free to throw me some advice, your experiences or anything! I would really appreciate some chit chat about all of this, right now.
(I can’t even think of an end to my post, ‘Speak to you soon’ seems a little too bipolar for this!)
You get what I mean! I’m not even going to look back on this post, I have just wrote it straight from the top of my head!